Thursday, 19 November 2015

A letter to the ladies, Part II

Maybe he came into your life a hurricane causing destruction and damage at every hands turn or maybe like these cold winter nights, he crept his way into your heart. Nevertheless, he made his presence known and he made sure you wouldn't forget it. Either way, don't be so hard on yourself. It's tough to let go of someone you cared about so much. Someone you've given maybe years of your life to. Don't get angry with yourself if you miss him or even if you take ten steps backwards and go back to him once more. In your own time you'll know when you are ready to finally part for good and move forward without him in your life. Laugher is the best medicine. Laugh so hard you cry. Laugh so hard you forget what it is you're laughing about. Share these moments with people who lift you up and remind you of the wonderful person you are. 

Ask yourself why would a person tear you down? Strip away your confidence so you feel insecure and low? A person who does this is not a good person, that is plain to see right? Wrong! It's just not crystal clear when you are blinded by love. Eventually your eyes will open and your mind will follow suit. If someone loves you they should build you up so high that you can reach the stars and beyond. They should support and encourage you in everything you do. It's not right and it's certainly not okay to bring a person down only to make yourself feel better. You shouldn't be tuned that way, it's just not normal. This works both ways. A relationship and love in general is a two way street. If you are praising your other half, showing him love and respect it should be reciprocated without hesitation. Stand in front of the mirror and look at yourself. Then ask that amazing girl if she wants to stay trapped in her current predicament or if she wants to break free from the chains that hold her captive. 

In order to receive love you must believe that you deserve it. Radiate good thoughts and feelings and watch how they gravitate back towards you. What you think about, you bring about. So don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself, wallowing in self pity. Get up, get out and start enjoying your life. When it feels as though the world is against you, lift your head high and remind yourself that it is not. If you are having a bad day, remember that it is just a bad day, not a bad life. Because life goes on after heartbreak I promise you that. But yes, that big question still lingers. How do you know when you are finally ready to close that dark chapter in your life? The chapter that went on for so long it became the whole book! I'm sure a lot of you thought that this time was the last time. That this was the time you were finally strong enough to walk away, until finding yourself right back in the very same situation once again. But that's okay. You just weren't ready, no matter how much you thought you were. Have patience, it's a process. I myself lost count of how many times I thought was 100% done with someone, I mean totally wiped my hands, only to find myself laughing at his jokes just a week or two later. It's from within that something one day will click. All of the amazing advice you receive won't make that decision for you, but never disregard it non the less.

Sorry. How many times have you heard that 5 lettered word been thrown around so often that it's gotten to a point where the word has no meaning, no true value anymore?! How do you fall so deep into love with a horrible person that you drown in the process of doing so? It seems crazy to think that you are one of those stereotype girls who believes every lie that comes out of his mouth! I know I used to say it would never be me, I would never be so foolish. But then it happens, and you become brainwashed by someone who has never had your best interest at heart the way your friends and family do. And that's another thing, if your family and friends won't accept him then you probably shouldn't either. They are the ones who know what's best for you and they are the ones who have had to pick up the pieces from your shattered heart. If he has hurt you he has hurt the ones who care the most about you too. The damage has a domino affect. 

Imagine having the power to make someone feel good, make someone feel happy? Well, you do have that power, so use it. Use that power to make yourself so immensely happy that you don't depend on another person to make you feel good about yourself. Eliminate all those bad feelings, all those bad memories that poison your mind. Until you do this you won't ever be happy and you must believe this. I've experienced a toxic, unhealthy love but it was not my 'great love' and I know this. It took a while to accept it but when I did I started to move on. At the time sure, it was the only love I could fathom because Cupid had hit me hard with his arrow. I never seen it coming, it caught me by surprise. But you shouldn't lose yourself in the process of loving someone else. You should flourish as a person instead, not diminish away right before your very own eyes. Get that spark back!! Turn tragedy to triumph and move forward knowing you'll be a better person for it, a stronger person. 

It's hard to accept that the opinion you cared about most in the world was unkind and an attack on you. It's tough to understand it. Then one day all those second guess thoughts of  sticking around with someone you're afraid to be yourself around disappear and you suddenly know what it is you must do. You should not have a constant fear wash over you, worrying that he will tear you down with his words so he can obliterate your confidence to make you feel small. Your valid words should not be silenced or dismissed when you try to speak your mind. It's not a healthy way of communication and we all know that communication is imperative for everything. You should lift up your partners spirits up along with everyone else you meet. Make them feel good about themselves, make them believe their own worth if they don't already. Try as you might but you will never be able to change a person no matter how much you want to. If you need to change a person to be happy with them, then that person is not for you darling! 

He was charming I'm sure, still is when it suits him. Made you fall for him through the nice things he said, all the nice things you wanted to hear. But of course, those words came with a side of manipulation to get there. Then one day something changes and you catch the feeling that spreads like wildfire through your whole body, love!! That feeling is hard to put out, it's hard to shake no matter what the circumstances may be. I'm still finding the strength now to stay focused on myself and not fall back into the same trap a million times. But if I can do it, I assure you, you can too. Truth is, you are going to look back one day and say to yourself 'What the hell was I thinking?' You may even giggle about the situation, but that's what life is about. You make mistakes and you learn from them. They help you to grow as a person. They help give you the knowledge that you'll cherish a lifetime. So I hope you listen to these few words of wisdom I've written for all of you, after all ladies, this is my letter to you, part II. 

Don't be bitter, be better!! 

Ashley x 

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